Almost done......

I am so excited to be almost done!! J passed his last big test and graduates from AIT in just a few short weeks!! I booked all the travel today and boy do I LOVE Priceline!! I got everything set for us and spent a fraction of what I originally thought! The last thing he has to do is pass his final PT test, which I am positive will not be a problem. :)

I have been working really hard to get in shape before he comes home. So far I am down 5 pounds and 1 pant size..... not as much as I would have hoped but I do have a feeling that he wouldn't of cared if I gained 10 pounds. He will just be happy that he is home and together at last. Ahhhh what a great feeling.

There is nothing like homecoming!! There is nothing like feeling the accomplishment of surviving!! There is nothing like finally being able to be back together!!

So Close

I cannot believe that we are this close to graduation. In 15 days I will be getting on a plane and flying to watch my husband graduate from Basic Training. These last few days are excruciating! I feel as though the closer we get the harder it is. I did a very silly thing yesterday and got my hopes up for a phone call. I was thinking that since it is the end of week 7, and he is in "Blue Phase", and it was Sunday, that he would have been able to call. I know that I should never ever get my hopes up for a phone call, but I did and boy when I realized that he wasn't going to call it was a rough night. It was a rough night but I made it through.

Then came the weird Monday Morning. My husband is in a moral dilemma and I want so bad to help, but I can't. I found out today that there are a few soldiers that have chosen to hide their cell phones and keep them after Exodus leave was over. They have been using them and it has gotten around. My husband wants to tell, but is being pressured not to by the other soldiers who know for fear that if those few get caught they will all be punished. You know the one person screws up, everyone pays mentality of the Army. It wouldn't be such a big deal for him except that one of the soldiers who has his phone hidden and is using it when he is not supposed to it up for Solider of the Cycle against Jeff. This soldier does not possess the basic Army values so how can he be looked at as a leader? I have faith that my husband will do what he feels is right in his heart.

This Saturday my husband will be taking his End Of Cycle PT test, he has been working his little tail off to get a perfect 300 and I am going to be sending extra prayers this Saturday that he accomplishes his goal! I know he can do it!

So that is all for now back to counting and hoping for some sort of word from my Dear Husband.

You Deliberately Disobeyed Me!

And I couldn't be more happy about it!! I got a letter from my husband! It was a short one. About one paragraph! He just wanted me to know that he loves me, misses me, and that he is studying his butt off for this board. He said that he is finally starting to get it. He feels like he is starting to remember everything he has to remember to succeed! He thanked me for studying with him over Exodus and supporting him no matter what. That was the whole letter, that was it. I was so surprised when I opened the mail box and it was there. I love him so much.

Every morning I listen to the radio in the truck. I actually like the radio. Jeff does not like the radio. He is a Cd in the truck kid of guy. He does not like the commercials, he is a big music fan. He wants all music all the time. So, this morning I got in the truck and it was on the radio. For some odd reason I switched it to CD, as soon as I did I heard this song. I couldn't help but smile, Jeff sings this song to me all the time! I did not know that this was the last song he was listening to the last time he drove the truck. I know it is a little thing but it made my day.

Today was full of pleasant surprises that will keep me going until tomorrow.

A little update

Things are looking up. The third days the charm! I now have running water in my house! I was so excited when I came home for lunch and turned the faucet, expecting nothing, and water came rushing out!! I am so excited to wash my dishes and take a shower in my home. Oddly, Jeff has been on his 3 day FTX since Tuesday, the day my pipes froze. I almost kind of felt like I was roughing it with him. I  know he doesn't have running water out there either. Although, I guess it wasn't as tough as he has it because all I had to do to get a hot shower was drive 5 minutes down the road to my Mom's house. But none the less I did feel like I was roughing it just a little bit. ::smiles::

I am getting excited for graduation. It feels like it is just right around the corner. We are down to 19 days! That means we are in the teens!! I remember being in the teens when I was counting down to Exodus and it felt like I was stuck in time. This time it doesn't, maybe it is because I have been so busy lately. I hope these next 19 days fly by. I cannot wait to see my husband become an United States Solider! I wish I could describe better the pride associated to seeing the man I love accomplish such a great and honorable task, but I cannot even begin to describe it. The most joy comes from me knowing that he really truly loves his job. I have been with him for almost 7 years and have seen many jobs come and go, some were pretty good, but I have never seem him been truly happy with the work he is doing. All I can say is I am proud and I love him so much!

Now I am just waiting and hoping to hear from him soon. I made him promise not to write and to use his personal time to study for the Solider of the Cycle Board. He wanted to do his best on the board and be this cycle's Soldier, and in order for him to accomplish that he needs to work really hard and study a lot! Before he left he was feeling bad that he wasn't going to be able to write much because he needs to study and I told him not to worry about writing at all. He can write me a letter after the board is over. Once he completes the board I am sure he will write me and tell me how it went. I hope that is really soon, because all I have to look forward to in the mail is Netflix. Don't get me wrong I love every disc of Army Wives that comes in the mail, but I would really love to hear from my dear husband. I guess now it is just a waiting game, but isn't it always?

1-11-11 Are you supposed to be lucky or something??

I find it pretty neat that today is 1-11-11, I don't know why I find it interesting, I am not in the least little bit superstitious, but maybe I should be.

This morning I woke up and did not want to get out from under my heated blanket! It took me a few minutes to muster up enough courage to get out from under the covers and make my way to the kitchen. Even Daisy looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to get her out from under the covers! The house was chilly, but not freezing and what better to have on a cold morning than a hot cup o' joe? So I turn on the water to fill the coffee pot and this is what I hear "pssssfffftttt!" A spray of water comes out and then nothing! So I went to the bathroom to see if it was the same story and sure enough it was the same exact thing!

Daisy is just watching me run around like a nut trying to figure out how I can "fix" this so I can take my shower and get ready for work. After about 15 minutes I figured there is nothing I can do, so I might as well just get dressed and try my best to get ready for work with no water! I had my water bottle from the gym that was about half full so without thinking I poured all of it into Daisy's water dish so she could have some new water. Have you ever brushed your teeth without water? It is pretty disgusting! I gagged while brushing my teeth thinking to myself I should have saved just a lil of that water for me! Then the weirdest thing happened, in the midst of me about to puke in the bathroom, I started laughing. Not just a little laugh but one of those full blown laughs where you eyes start to water, and you side starts to hurt. I thought to myself this is it, I have officially "lost it!" But even then I couldn't stop laughing. I finished getting ready to the best of my ability and drove to work to start my wonderful Tuesday!

I guess I just learned that sometimes when things go array all you can do is laugh. All you can do is laugh.

My lil baby...

is such a handful. I said along time ago that kids are too much work, so we will stick to our lil doggie, little did  i know how much work she would become. The first year she was a little terror. she tore up everything! She caused so much damage, ruined so many items, but we worked with her and slowly but surely she got better, alot better. Year 2 was a great year. She didn't have to be kenneled, she stopped tearing things up as much, she was fully potty trained, and she was healthy. We couldn't ask for anything better from a dog. We even contemplated getting another lil bully to be her companion. Then Jeff enlisted and I decided I didn't want to go through the puppy stage again by myself because in all honesty Jeff is the one who trained Daisy.

Then came the Saturday after Thanksgiving 2010, I had gone to the gym in the early afternoon and came home already 1. I came home to Daisy convulsing on her bed. Her eyes were open, her tongue was blue, there was foam out of her mouth and she was shaking uncontrollably. It was the most scariest thing to see her go through. But all of a sudden she was fine, she got up and acted like nothing happened.She was alert. I called the vet who informed me to bring her in on Monday. When i brought her in they said that if she didn't have another one that it was an isolated incident but if she did then she is more than likely epileptic and would need to be medicated.

She didn't have another episode until 2 days before Jeff got home for Christmas Exodus. That time it was midnight and she had not 1 but a total of 4 seizures!! I rushed her to the emergency vet where they sedated her and started her on anti-seizure meds. I was up all night at the emergency room and took her to our regular vet first thing the next morning. That is when our vet made the decision to start regular medication, 2x a day for the rest of her life. The medicine isn't intended to stop the seizures all together but make them less intense and less frequent. Jeff came home for Exodus and she was fine the whole time he was here, other than the crazy side affects she had.

She has been on the meds for almost a month and she had an other episode last night. This episode was not a Grand Mal seizure, but the less intense type of seizure. She basically just gets real still and her head starts to shake and her mouth moves uncontrollably. The episode last night happened at 12:38 am and lasted about 30 seconds.  Then comes the post seizure stage. Daisy will wonder around whining and sniffing. She will pace back and forth and almost acts like she doesn't know where she is. This is the worst, I feel so helpless. She paced around the house until 3:30 in the morning and I didn't get an ounce of sleep.

My poor little baby, that there is nothing I can do for. I guess I never imagined that I would have an epileptic dog. I knew dogs were a big responsibility and alot of worked and I was prepared for that, I was not prepared for all the work a dog with a medical condition would be. I love my little Daisy and wouldn't trade her for anything. I just wish I could make her better. I wish Jeff was here to help me with her. I wish.....

Vent time...

So this is going to come out as a pretty bitchy post, but I cannot help it. I need to get this out. I want it to be okay for me to have a bad day and okay for me to be sad sometimes. I am tired of pretending that I don't miss him every single second of every single day, because I DO! I know I have to be strong and blah blah blah, but really some days it just sucks! Today is one of those days and for no particular reason. Nothing is different from yesterday to today. I still got up and went to work, went home and let Daisy out, ate lunch, came back and finished work, & went home. It is exactly the same day as yesterday, but today I just feel like crying because I want him home. It is one of those days where I ask my self "Why the hell are we doing this?" I am trying to remind my self of all the whys, there are so many whys and all of them are great whys.

I guess I am feeling down because I know this is just the beginning. There are going to be much much worse days in the future. I know that this time next year he will have just left or be getting ready to leave on our first deployment, how am I going to feel then? I guess I need to focus on today and not look into the future to much, but deployment is a lingering thought in the back of my mind. It just hovers back there waiting to sneak up on me.

I don't want to be the whiny, crying, wife that everyone bitches about and wishes would just shut up. I really don't want to be that person, but when I am not that person I feel like I am "acting," if that makes sense. I feel like I am in a play and I am pretending to be strong and pretending to be happy. I told Jeff before he left that he needs to take his personal time to study for his Soldier of the Cycle board so don't worry about writing me any letters. Why, oh why did I tell him this? I mean I know why I told him, it is because he wants Soldier of the Cycle so bad. He wants to be the Honor Soldier, he wants that promotion that comes with it, he wants to be honored at graduation, he wants to march his company onto the field on graduation day, but most of all he want me to be in the front row seated in the VIP section for families of soldiers who are being honored on graduation day. So with me knowing all this why am I now regretting telling him not to write. I know why it is because I am selfish, I am selfish.

It is kinda like in the movies when you see a good angel on one shoulder and a bad angel on the other. I feel like I have a good angel and a bad angel setting on my shoulders. One is telling me to be strong, suck it up, and is telling me there is nothing to bitch about, you can do this!! The other lil' angel is sitting there telling me this sucks, it is only going to get worse, you are not strong, you need him here, cry lil' baby, CRY!!

All in all I need to remind myself of all the whys and of how proud I am of him for choosing this life. I need to keep all the positive things in my head and focus on the good that will come of all this. I need to do these things and I will do these things..... tomorrow. Because today I don't want to, but tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow will be better and tomorrow will be one day closer to him coming home.