My lil baby...

is such a handful. I said along time ago that kids are too much work, so we will stick to our lil doggie, little did  i know how much work she would become. The first year she was a little terror. she tore up everything! She caused so much damage, ruined so many items, but we worked with her and slowly but surely she got better, alot better. Year 2 was a great year. She didn't have to be kenneled, she stopped tearing things up as much, she was fully potty trained, and she was healthy. We couldn't ask for anything better from a dog. We even contemplated getting another lil bully to be her companion. Then Jeff enlisted and I decided I didn't want to go through the puppy stage again by myself because in all honesty Jeff is the one who trained Daisy.

Then came the Saturday after Thanksgiving 2010, I had gone to the gym in the early afternoon and came home already 1. I came home to Daisy convulsing on her bed. Her eyes were open, her tongue was blue, there was foam out of her mouth and she was shaking uncontrollably. It was the most scariest thing to see her go through. But all of a sudden she was fine, she got up and acted like nothing happened.She was alert. I called the vet who informed me to bring her in on Monday. When i brought her in they said that if she didn't have another one that it was an isolated incident but if she did then she is more than likely epileptic and would need to be medicated.

She didn't have another episode until 2 days before Jeff got home for Christmas Exodus. That time it was midnight and she had not 1 but a total of 4 seizures!! I rushed her to the emergency vet where they sedated her and started her on anti-seizure meds. I was up all night at the emergency room and took her to our regular vet first thing the next morning. That is when our vet made the decision to start regular medication, 2x a day for the rest of her life. The medicine isn't intended to stop the seizures all together but make them less intense and less frequent. Jeff came home for Exodus and she was fine the whole time he was here, other than the crazy side affects she had.

She has been on the meds for almost a month and she had an other episode last night. This episode was not a Grand Mal seizure, but the less intense type of seizure. She basically just gets real still and her head starts to shake and her mouth moves uncontrollably. The episode last night happened at 12:38 am and lasted about 30 seconds.  Then comes the post seizure stage. Daisy will wonder around whining and sniffing. She will pace back and forth and almost acts like she doesn't know where she is. This is the worst, I feel so helpless. She paced around the house until 3:30 in the morning and I didn't get an ounce of sleep.

My poor little baby, that there is nothing I can do for. I guess I never imagined that I would have an epileptic dog. I knew dogs were a big responsibility and alot of worked and I was prepared for that, I was not prepared for all the work a dog with a medical condition would be. I love my little Daisy and wouldn't trade her for anything. I just wish I could make her better. I wish Jeff was here to help me with her. I wish.....

Vent time...

So this is going to come out as a pretty bitchy post, but I cannot help it. I need to get this out. I want it to be okay for me to have a bad day and okay for me to be sad sometimes. I am tired of pretending that I don't miss him every single second of every single day, because I DO! I know I have to be strong and blah blah blah, but really some days it just sucks! Today is one of those days and for no particular reason. Nothing is different from yesterday to today. I still got up and went to work, went home and let Daisy out, ate lunch, came back and finished work, & went home. It is exactly the same day as yesterday, but today I just feel like crying because I want him home. It is one of those days where I ask my self "Why the hell are we doing this?" I am trying to remind my self of all the whys, there are so many whys and all of them are great whys.

I guess I am feeling down because I know this is just the beginning. There are going to be much much worse days in the future. I know that this time next year he will have just left or be getting ready to leave on our first deployment, how am I going to feel then? I guess I need to focus on today and not look into the future to much, but deployment is a lingering thought in the back of my mind. It just hovers back there waiting to sneak up on me.

I don't want to be the whiny, crying, wife that everyone bitches about and wishes would just shut up. I really don't want to be that person, but when I am not that person I feel like I am "acting," if that makes sense. I feel like I am in a play and I am pretending to be strong and pretending to be happy. I told Jeff before he left that he needs to take his personal time to study for his Soldier of the Cycle board so don't worry about writing me any letters. Why, oh why did I tell him this? I mean I know why I told him, it is because he wants Soldier of the Cycle so bad. He wants to be the Honor Soldier, he wants that promotion that comes with it, he wants to be honored at graduation, he wants to march his company onto the field on graduation day, but most of all he want me to be in the front row seated in the VIP section for families of soldiers who are being honored on graduation day. So with me knowing all this why am I now regretting telling him not to write. I know why it is because I am selfish, I am selfish.

It is kinda like in the movies when you see a good angel on one shoulder and a bad angel on the other. I feel like I have a good angel and a bad angel setting on my shoulders. One is telling me to be strong, suck it up, and is telling me there is nothing to bitch about, you can do this!! The other lil' angel is sitting there telling me this sucks, it is only going to get worse, you are not strong, you need him here, cry lil' baby, CRY!!

All in all I need to remind myself of all the whys and of how proud I am of him for choosing this life. I need to keep all the positive things in my head and focus on the good that will come of all this. I need to do these things and I will do these things..... tomorrow. Because today I don't want to, but tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow will be better and tomorrow will be one day closer to him coming home.

Wi...Win...Wint...WINTER...

I thought I would post some pics of us on Exodus, we had the most wonderful 18 days ever! We did so much and had so much fun, I bet that is why they flew by. I don't think it helped that it is winter and they days are so short! I hate waking up and going to work in the dark (7:30) and coming home in the dark (5:00). I wish it was Spring or for that matter Summer already. As I am a Spring/Fall person, Jeff is most definitely a Fall/ Winter person. He loved the cold weather and most of all he loves the snow. He was a tad disappointed that it didn't snow for Christmas. It did however snow for New Years and the first thing he said when he woke up and saw all the white stuff was "let's go sledding!" Of course I agreed even though I hate being out in the cold for longer than it takes for me to walk from my warm house to the truck! We did have a great time and after the first 30 minutes I started to warm up. Jeff jokingly said that is an early sign of hypothermia and I just couldn't "feel" myself being cold any more! We found a really great hill to sled on, it was not very busy at all, probably only about 4 other people we had to share with.









Here we go again....

Yesterday was tough, probably tougher than the first time I sent him away. Don't get me wrong the two weeks with him was wonderful, but I almost wish they would have just kept him. That sounds horrible I know, but I got into a routine when he was gone and time was moving along pretty good. Now it feels like I have to start all over again. You see I have this routine where I go home and get my bed ready on the couch, make dinner, turn on an episode of CSI, and write Jeff a letter. Last night was the first time that my "routine" did work for me. I still felt "out of whack," it didn't feel right to be sleeping on the couch, I didn't want to watch TV, and I ended up not eating. I am sure that I just need to get back in the "grove" of things.

Last night was the first night that it hit me that I will not sleep in the same bed as my husband for four months. Wow, four months, the next time we sleep in the same bed it will be Spring. SPRING! I know that four months is nothing compared to what we will be going through this time next year, and I should be thankful that this is just training and he is not deployed right now, but I still can't help but feel overwhelmed and saddened by it all.

Today is a new day and I need to try to stay positive and focused on the end goal. He will be graduating for BCT in less than a month now and then it is off to AIT and once that is done he will be home, and that time not just for two weeks. **big smile**

I have definitely learned to cherish every second with him while he is home and I can honestly say that these last two weeks were amazing! They flew by in the blink of an eye, but each and every day was wonderful. We did not have a bad day in there at all, even with me being sick with tonsillitis. Now it is time to get back to the "grind" and finish this! SO HERE WE GO AGAIN......

New Year!!

Happy New Year!! Well it is 2011.... this year is going to be a great one. I cannot wait to see what 2011 has in store for Jeff and I. He will be graduating from BCT and AIT and then finally coming home after all that training. We will get to spend the rest of the year together!! I can't wait. I have learned to cherish every second he is home. These 2 weeks of Exodus have been nothing short of amazing. Now as we prepare to send him back I realize just how special every second we are together is. There is nothing better than when we are together. So for now I gotta go. I will write in a few days. I need to spend some more senconds with my dear husband.....

Our First Homecoming

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I am the worst blogger....

Well, wow, my last blog was before Jeff left for Basic Training!! Now he is home for Christmas Exodus and will be leaving again on Monday. Our first "homecoming" was almost 2 weeks ago! Man how the time flies. I realized though that the best part of being married to a soldier is the homecomings. I get to experience the "first kiss" every time he comes home. Our love never becomes stale, if that is the right word. We miss each other so much when he is gone, but the feeling of him coming home is unexplainable. 

With tears in his eyes....

He swept me off my feet.....

In disbelief.....Are you really here?



Welcome home Daddy!!



Waiting for him at the airport was torture. I kept watching people come up the escalators from arriving flights and there were so many soldiers. It felt like I stood there for hours and hours just waiting for him to come up the escalator! When we finally made eye contact with each other we started moving toward each other, but people kept walking in front of us. In the picture of when he first spotted me there was a little boy in the way. I swear that my beautiful, sweet husband was going to knock that kid down to get to me.

I know we only have a few more days before I will be taking him back to the same airport I picked him up at so he can go and finish what he started. I know this time I have less time until I see him again. From the day he goes back it will be a month until graduation. I hope that final month will fly by, then we get to start the journey of AIT......